avoid your WMD (widget of mass distraction)
I was on a walk with a friend this week and she mentioned that her business coach has told her that you should be active on at least one place regularly. So here I am. Writing.
I don’t feel up to the task of beautifying myself by flat-ironing my hair, putting on concealer on all my new pimples due to being perimenepausal, or doing take-after-take of a video so that I can get it just right.
I also used to journal every morning, and lately I have been waking up with so much anxiety over many things - mostly my finances, I don’t have the patience to sit with myself when I first wake up. As much as I know it is not good for me to attend to anyone else’s requests of me as soon as I rise, my phone has come with me into the bathroom at 5:00am and I check all the apps to see what I’ve missed while I snoozed.
The order is -
Text messages
Email Accounts 1 - 2 - 3
Whatsapp
Slack
Instagram - 3 accounts
Signal
Can I get a What the LITERAL FUCK? Why are there 6 different ways for people to reach me. 10 actually because I have 4 different email accounts? I don’t even know the password to account 4.
I’m seething and it’s not even 5:02am.
Maybe it’s because I was up from 3:00-4:00am worrying about all the things in my life I cannot control, or because my mind thought that the middle of the night was the time I should brainstorm for my next event.
I take a deep breath. Put my phone down and vow to do better tomorrow.
That’s all I can do. I am convinced, however, that I have fucked myself already by starting the day by looking outside of myself.
Have I?
Just in that moment of questioning it… there’s a chance for something new. So I get off the potty, splash my face with water, and dab my pocked up face with concealer wondering if it’s the incredible amount of sugar, hormones, taxed liver or heredity that is causing me to break out. My mind travels to my mom. She broke out a lot at this age. Damn I wish I could ask her so many questions about life. But I can’t.
I’ve only just woke up a few minutes ago and already, the day feels like a lot to take on. So like all the waves of grief that will forever come and go from losing my mom, I take the moment to feel the big feels, acknowledge where I am almost 8 years after she passed away, slide into my yoga pants so that I can start the day with something that always helps - leading a yoga class at my studio that just celebrated it’s 13 year anniversary in Santa Barbara.
This morning I opted to sit on the counter and stare off into space as I drink my coffee sweetened with Laird’s creamer and instead of walking in the quiet, dark fog of the morning… I drove and get to my job in less than 4 minutes.
Insert reminder next time I’m complaining about traffic to be grateful for my short-ass commute.
I park my car, walk passed Starbucks and see a homeless woman sleeping on the ground in front.
I wonder how she got here. I wonder if she is okay. I wonder why I don’t wake up in the morning grateful for my comfy bed.
Oh… because I started the day looking at my phone and all the things I need to do.
As soon as I get into my studio, I plug my phone into the sound system, start a playlist and connect with what’s right in front of me… people. I forget that it’s one of my favorite ways to spend my time and why I opted to open my own yoga studio 16 years ago.
As I got class underway, I had class flow a little bit before bringing everyone to Tadasana (Mountain Pose). And I said something I have never said before to begin the session. “What do you want to create today? Yesterday, I had a shitty fucking day. I commit to not doing that today.”
As the words came out of my mouth…my whole body felt lighter. I felt honest. I felt connected to the people in the room (one being my husband who I lit up over texts the day before).
Truth is, the struggle of worry can feel so real. Yesterday I was a victim to it hard core - so much so that it woke me up in the middle of the night and sent me starting the day restless, irritated and ungrateful.
Is a yoga teacher supposed to center the room the way I did? I know a million people would say no… but in the moment, it was the most intuitive move I made in a full day and it set into a motion a kick-ass class and a day that has been filled with slaying things I typically avoid - software issues, taxes, paying bills, handling account settings and password resets. As much as I don’t want to do those things, I’m also committed to hiring a virtual assistant and I have to get my shit together so that I can pass things off.
Remember…what you are doing right now has an impact on who you want to grow into, what you want to create, how much money you want to make and the life you want to live. Give yourself permission to vent to your friends, have your tantrum, punch pillows, scream, shake, cry. And then MAKE ONE NEW commitment right now for who you want to be one hour from now.
what’s it gonna be?
I commit to not living in fear.
I commit to being a person who exercises everyday.
I commit to being a person who takes care of myself first instead of others (no checking messages on my phone or computer before 10am).
Get the commitment clear… do it now, do it again later, do it again tomorrow. New habits have to be formed… give them a chance to do so!
